Abstract
Demonstrating a helpful approach to reparation and reconsiliation in the relationship in the spirit of NVR

Even though a family find their way through a time of crisis – considerable damage can have happened to the trust and the connection between children and parents in that periode. The damage can show itself as avoidance in the child, hesitation in the parents or simply mistrust regarding small and big issues between them.

In the workshop we present and share our experience with PAF and will also invite participants to try the PAF-technique.

Even though a family find their way through a time of crisis – considerable damage can have happened to the trust and the connection between children and parents in that periode. The damage can show itself as avoidance in the child, hesitation in the parents or simply mistrust regarding small and big issues between them. For years we have been working with helping families through life-crisis, but lately we have also been engaged in shaping contexts for reparation and regulation of connections within the family, so the closeness and alertness between them will match the new time of the post-crisis and ordinary everyday life. 

For these transitions to succeed we have created a small, but efficient, therapeutic tool, that we call PAF (Passive Active Feedback), and we use it directly in working with both parents and children together. In the context of PAF the parents are actively doing most of the work of mentalising the experiences of the child during the crisis and their position now – and the child is passively (non-verbal) giving its feedback to these guesses. Quite simple! But we find that PAF enables respectful and playfull ways of addressing the sore and wounded areas of trust; as it supports the parents voicing of the childs lost inner voice. This is conducted in a guided way by the therapists, that can renew the childs experience with the parents ability to understand the child from within. This mentalising work is healing, because it also includes work of amendment where the parents will be given a opportunity to own up to the causes of the crisis and their responsibilities in it, as a new platform for the childs mistrust to fade away. 

In the workshop we present and share our experience with PAF and will also invite participants to try the PAF-technique. Be welcome.