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Topic
Beyond words: The courage to do (practice what we preach)
Abstract
How often do we tell parents to show courage in applying Connecting Authority and Nonviolent Resistance, while we stay in our comfort zone of theoretical explanation? Combining attachment and resistance is a complex process that goes beyond merely understanding concepts – it requires a genuine transformation in our actions. Although the society in which children grow up today is gradually changing, we still see a focus on obedience and a strong emphasis on punishment, without attention to connection. Take, for example, a father of a teenager displaying risky behavior. It takes a great deal of courage to let go of the illusion of control without feeling powerless or helpless. We know that the solution lies in combining setting boundaries with maintaining connection. But how do we help parents and teachers actually take this step?
We all know the expression: “Children are more likely to do what they see us do than what we tell them to do.” This principle applies equally to us as professionals. If we want to help parents and teachers find their courage, we must first be willing to step out of our comfort zone. This means: less talking, more doing.
In this workshop, we will experiment and share experiences through concrete exercises that are directly applicable to working with parents and teachers. We start with ourselves: through experiential activities, participants connect with their own emotions and response patterns. This self-awareness is essential for authentically conveying the principles of Connecting Authority and NVR. We translate personal insights into practical interventions, making the methodology not just theoretical but a living practice.
This workshop challenges us: do we dare to do what we ask of parents? Because only by modeling it ourselves can we inspire others to find their own courage to shape connection and authority in a new way.
Biography
Jens Van Cleynenbreugel has been working in youth court-mandated care for over 10 years. Navigating the challenging dynamics of “having to help,” he sought a framework to guide his approach and found it in the principles of New Authority and Nonviolent Resistance. This philosophy shaped his professional journey, providing effective tools for his work. Currently, Jens serves as a family counselor at Alba VZW, an organization specialized in experiential work with youth and their families. Supporting families in complex situations is central to his practice, blending theory with a hands-on experience.
Jeroen Wierstra is a trained art/dramatherapist and systemic therapist working at Lorentzhuis in Haarlem. He works with families and couples and leads parent groups focused on Nonviolent Resistance (NVR). In his work with families and parents he sees great value in experiential approaches, using them to help parents connect more deeply with the NVR attitude. In addition to applying NVR in practice, Jeroen also teaches NVR to other professionals, offering supervision and workshops where he integrates experiential methods. Through both practice and teaching, he continues to develop new ideas and exercises, creating fresh pathways to foster a deeper connection to the NVR attitude across various levels.
Faye Koolen is a psychotherapist and systemic therapist and works at Lorentzhuis Haarlem. Here she works with families, couples and parents and over the last years more and more with NVR/connecting authority. Trained within Lorentzhuis in the attitude and principles of NVR, she has now developed in giving these trainings and supervision herself at Lorentzhuis or incompany. The combination of teaching and working with NVR in practice is of great value for her. It inspires her in two different ways and helps to also keep developing additional ideas and approaches related to NVR, closely working together with Jeroen Wierstra and feeling supported by other colleagues within Lorentzhuis who also work with NVR.