Abstract
Working with Non Violent Resistance (NVR) requires hope that things can change for the better and confidence that you are able to make that change. However, before turning to professional help, families have often gone through a difficult period with frequent conflicts and attempts to change family interactions. Such experiences can make parents and children feel insecure and experience negative beliefs about themselves. They develop a negative identity or feel confirmed in their negative identity. Examples are: “I can’t control myself”; “I am just like my own father, I am a worthless parent”; “I am too difficult to be loved”.

A negative identity may interfere with the willingness to start and continue with NVR, because clients lack hope and confidence in themselves. This complicates working with NVR as parents need the courage and strength to stick to the principles of NVR, even if things get tough.

Counsellors who meet families who express feelings of hopelessness, generally show their empathy by reflecting on the pain and problems of the family. Although clients might feel validated in their stress, it does not effectively challenge their insecurities or negative beliefs. Instead, the counsellor could focus on building a positive identity. This can be done by reflecting on identity and highlighting the underlying desires and motivation beneath the pain and the strengths of the system. These ‘narrative reflections on identity’ may give them the confidence and courage they need.

In this workshop participants will be asked to exchange what identity means for them. Shortly, the research results from the method ‘Shared Lifestory’ will be presented. Then, participants will practice how to reflect on identity, with help of the practical format Ruth Willems (2024) has developed. In small groups participants practice with each other with the provided tools and experience how reflection on identity can bring hope and courage to work with NVR.