Abstract
Attending to the couple relationship and the emotional attachment to one another is an essential component that is not often explored within the NVR field. When there are significant harm and destructive behaviours in the family from the child to others, each of the adults will witness the escalatory responses of their partner. When these responses do not align with what attracted them to each other, it can lead to distancing and criticism towards each other. This erodes their ability to put NVR principles in practice.

This presentation seeks to highlight the significance of the emotional security within the couple and how this influences the capacity for co-resistance. We will explore ideas from Systemic Psychotherapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy and how they fit in with NVR practice. We will  discuss the importance of having a secure attachment within the couple as a factor for strengthening their ability to practice NVR and taking on acts of resistance. We would propose that principles of emotional safety between the couple are essential when managing harmful behaviours from their child and the impact on the whole family.

We will discuss some ideas and practices from NVR, systemic therapy and emotionally focused therapy that aim to:

1. to seek permission to attend to the couple relationship and to help them realign with one another so that they can be more courageous together.
2. To bring awareness to each adult both as people, partners and parents to become aware of their own emotional experiences and how this affects escalations and direct actions.
3. To help each partner validate these fears and emotions and to deeply understand what is happening in themselves and their partner, which can then help them to connect with one another, with the focused child and as a family.
4. to define the courage of connection and reconciliation as resistance to harm and oppression within or outside of the family home.
   
   

We will provide examples of NVR cases, where emotional attachment was not attended to and then practices where intentional exploration of the couple relationship occurred.